the river Nile. My mother had won fifty thousand pounds on
the premium bonds and so she decided to treat me to the
holiday of a lifetime.
On the boat I met a really friendly and eccentric plumber from Burnley
whose name was Mr Dobson. He was very attached to his brown
fedora and he spoke very amusingly about his impressive hat
collection. We got on extremely well but one evening he vanished and
so I decided to go and look for him. I got off the boat and I wandered
down to the banks of the Nile.
yards out. It was definitely Mr Dobson’s hat. No doubt at all. I waded
out into the water and just as I was picking the fedora up, this huge
twenty-foot crocodile took me in its jaws of death. For many of you
unfamiliar with this experience, the Nile croc takes you on a death roll
for several minutes just before it kills you and deposits you in its
underwater pantry.
knew I had a trusty Swiss army knife in my pocket and I managed to
extract the blade from my trousers. Things were looking up.
Unfortunately the first attachment I managed to prise open was the
corkscrew. Desperately I tried again and this time I won the jackpot –
the big blade.
crocodile’s mouth when suddenly the huge reptile tossed me like an
unwanted pork pie onto the nearby riverbank. I was stunned but
completely unharmed apart from a few bruises.
Mr Dobson sipping a glass of chilled white wine on the main deck.
He was delighted to discover that I had retrieved his fedora for him
and even more pleased to hear about my narrow escape from death.